what is love?
by reddpandaa
Summary: For Clarke life isn't fashion and makeup or what to wear for prom. No it was keeping alive everyday in a wasteland called earth, the once beautiful planet. Not only is she stuck with 100 delinquents she's also stranded with a pain in the ass rebel leader, who she can't help fall in love with. The thing is Clarke thinks she's forgotten how to love. What will Bellamy do?
1. Chapter 1

I don't own the 100 series

Clarke POV

It's been the same for the past 4 months now, no grounder attacks or reapers not even the mountain men. For once we can say we are free. Unfortunately not everything has changed, me and the, has a stick up his ass rebel leader Bellamy are still at it. "CLARKE WHY CANT YOU FOR ONCE LISTEN TO ME AND ACTUALLY FOLLOW ORDERS!"

"Look Bellamy I don't want to argue but we can't just take all our fighters and hunt down the mountain men. First of all we are outnumbered; second if you take all the experienced fighters then we're stuck here like sitting ducks."

"Did you honestly forget what they did to you, to all of you?"

"I COULD NEVER FORGET! I CAN'T, EVERY NIGHT I HAVE NIGHTMARES. SOME TIMES I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE I'M SCARED OK IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?" at that point everyone was watching, with a huge silence hanging in between that was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. I knew that Bellamy didn't mean what he said he really just wants to keep us safe but sometimes he just goes too far and I snap. I'm not as indestructible as everyone thinks I am, I'm only human, I show everyone my brave princess side but really inside every time someone dies, we get attacked my heart breaks little by little and now there's almost nothing left. This war shouldn't have happened, but the ark had to create it for their survival, the 100 lives they sent down here weren't important enough to have a chance at a new start. No we were expendable no matter what people said, no matter how hard our parents begged for us to stay. We are like cattle bunched together, and slaughtered when they see fit. Of course when we got here we learned things that helped us survive and things that almost destroyed us. It's been 2 years now and some sort of peace has washed over the camp. We started lives and soon our camp will grow bigger at least 3 girls that we know of are pregnant one of them being Octavia, of course at first Bellamy was furious but grew to like the idea of being an uncle, me I thought he liked it because he would get to be over protective another family member.

"We're leaving and that's final." And with that he turned and left. What was I going to do he was going to get himself and the others killed I can't just let him go so I came up with a plan. "Bellamy Octavia needs you right away she's in the drop ship on the second level hurry." After he sprinted towards the drop ship and I quickly followed as soon as he climbed up I locked the hatch. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING CLARKE LET ME OUT!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU AGREE TO STOP THIS POINTLESS SO CALLED MISSION"

"CLARKE LET ME OUT NOW OR SO HELP ME I'LL…"

"YOU'LL WHAT BELLAMY? IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ID LOCKED UP AND I'M THE ONER WHO IS ON THE OTHER SIDE WITH THE LATCH." And with that I left.

Hours later

"Ok Miller I need you to lock this as soon as I go up got it?" he nods and I unlock it as quietly as I can and Miller locked it I looked around and found Bellamy sitting in a corner with his eyes closed. I walked over and gently shook him to wake him up. "Bellamy wake up we need to talk."

"Princess, what are you doing here?"

"I don't want you to get hurt, I know why you are mad and I deserve it but I did this to hopefully let you see that going to war when we have peace is not right?

"Clarke you don't understand I was going to war for you,"

"Bellamy, that doesn't make any sense."

"Clarke I wanted to prove to you that I'm not all monster." we looked at each other with such an intense gaze that I thought it was because he was really mad but his eyes showed that he wasn't mad but it looked like he was happy. I cleared my throat trying to clear up the elephant in the room. "Well I hope this conversation taught you something and you won't be going into unnecessary war because you won't be leaving this ship if you don't agree ok?"

"Alright princess I agree." I gave him a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek then got up and walked to the latch knocked twice and Miller opened it, I looked back at Bellamy he was staring at me with something that was between confusion and something else I looked away sadly not fast enough because I'm sure he noticed me blush a deep crimson. When I reach the bottom I walk to my tent making sure that Miller knows that Bellamy can come down from his little timeout, about 4 hours later I fell asleep. But I swear that I heard my tent flap open and a person walk to the side of my bed and sit down, the smell of metal and wood flooded my senses, a smell that I'm all too familiar with but in my sleeping state I couldn't tell who it was but I knew I was safe. I could feel myself waking up but then his voice whispered into my ear it was deep and smooth. "hey princess I just wanted you to know that your little stunt back there means that now I'm not ever letting you go." and with that it was gone and I woke up with my body covered in sweat those words echoing in my head what was that and why do I feel like it was Bellamy, it bugs me, knowing that i have deeper feelings for him. Due to all the hardships that the 100 have had to face i feel as if i cant love the way i used to. yet part of me still wants to try even if i've forgotten what love is.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke POV

Well we've officially created a peace treaty with the grounders that states we will live in peace, but if a crime is committed by the other party then the group who owns that land would deal with the penalty, it also states that we will share medical knowledge, survival techniques, assist in battles etc. it only took a total of 3 years to create a perfect place to start something great, somewhere we could start a family. But it's also really perfect timing too because about two girls are ready to give birth, guess what that means little sleep and high stress. That won't be good for me and Bellamy I mean we barely get along with the amount of stress as it is and with the birth of two new people into the camp (ones that scream, cry.) who aren't as strong as us could be dangerous meaning extra labor for the guys because they'll have to build actual cabins for us considering we barely de it through the first two winters. We sure have our work cut out for us. After thinking for at least I was brought out of my thoughts by a full cup of moonshine being shoved into my face. "Here Clarke you need to drink. This is a celebration." Monty almost screamed into my face, I could tell he's had at least 4 cups already. I took the cup to be polite because due to unfortunate past events everyone knows. NEVER mess with a really drunk Monty. (Hint he might of broke a guy's nose for pushing him ending in him spilling his drink.) He left after he watched me take a big gulp of it. I always thought that I had I big alcohol tolerance but the moonshine Monty and Jasper make is really strong, so I make sure not to drink so much because that's how most of the girls these days get pregnant, making them have to deal with the lasting effects not exactly knowing who the father is. And with all this partying we would have a big population boom in no time. That's right all work and no play makes Clarke a dull girl, well yes that's half true I can be wild but if I had said that out loud everyone would laugh. "Hey princess, come on live a little and party, flirt ya know be fun." That's it I'm finished with being shown as a timid little girl who always follows the rules, I'll show them how wild I can be. "Alright Miller, you asked for it," I downed my moonshine and make my way for some more before I began to party.

An hour later

I was totally drunk dancing like…. Well actually I never knew I could dance this…. Dirty, can't say I didn't like it though, the thought of just letting it all go by then though I was grinding up against another drunk criminal. I think his name was Dax he seemed to be enjoying this as much my drunken self could. About 10 minutes later he whispered in my ear it took me a while to actually find out what he was saying but really he could have screamed and I wouldn't have really noticed. "Hey. Your tent or mine princess?" I smirked at him turned around and kissed him, it was messy but it got the message across I didn't give a damn. "Mine." I grabbed his hand and started towards my tent unaware of the audience we held. It was just a few feet from my tent when I felt Dax's hand being ripped from my own I turned around in time to see a sober Bellamy punch Dax unconscious, I wasn't angry more annoyed. "Bellamy what the hell was that, you don't see me going around punching you're…. _friends._" He narrowed his eyes at me and said, "That was a mistake and you know it or at least you would have realized it when you woke up with him in your bed."

"maybe buy prey tell why are you punching him cause from what you tell me you don't really care about what I do or who I sleep with for that matter?"

"I don't." I rolled my eyes and sighed, ya and they thought I was the party pooper well wait till they hear this, another time the night was still young and there were other men here to help drown away my problems. I was quickly stopped by a strong grip on my wrist. Then next came the feeling of being jerked around to face the angry rebel leader. "Bellamy let go you're hurting me." He only stayed silent watching as I struggled against him his stillness was slightly scaring her. "Please let me go you're scaring me." I could feel tears threatening to fall but I stayed strong and didn't let them I stayed composed. I was sobering up by the minute guess the fearless leader has that effect on people. But he still wasn't saying anything but that's when I was pulled forward meeting his lips, shock was my first emotion then turned to pleasure and soon enough I found myself kissing him back. Bellamy would most certainly be my undoing.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke POV

The next morning I felt a great many things and happy wasn't one of them. One it felt like the Ark fell on my head and two my throat was killing me oh but that wasn't the worst of it I was sore all over and wait here is the best part I wasn't alone but Dax wasn't with me. It was Bellamy! If I wasn't almost dead in the throat I would scream so loud unfortunately all I could do was scramble out of the makeshift bed, I didn't get very far because my hips and lower back were killing me I could only imagination what he did to me, although I wasn't as disgusted as I should be it sort of gave me chills. But I can't let this happen; besides it was a mistake. Then it hit me he's using me just like all the rest this is what I get for giving my heart away so easily, and I knew for a fact that he was as sober as he can get, I am going to kill him for this I cover myself with some sheets and push Bellamy off my bed "wake up Blake!"

"What the hell Clarke I was sleeping."

"In my bed now get dressed and get out." He looked at me funny then looked up and down and grinned I rolled my eyes like really now is not the time. "Eyes up Blake. Do you know how mad I am at you right now?"

"What is wrong now Clarke. Hey what time is it." What is wrong?

"What's wrong? I'm not one of your whores Bellamy. You know what? I'm done with everything you, love, being the doctor of this camp and being the privileged princess, do you have any idea how much crap that is if this little experiment didn't work I wouldn't have lived long enough to see my first child so I don't think that count as privileged now does it?"

"Hold on Clarke I don't understand what you're talking about slow down and breath." He's telling me to hold on well then I decided to get my point across right now. "Bellamy I'm not one of your bed partners this was an accident a onetime thing got it?" he tensed and looked at me with such intensity I thought that he might burn holes into my skull. "You think that was just a onetime thing?"

"Yes I was drunk and…. Well I wasn't thinking straight ok?"

"Oh really? It sounded like you were pretty clear about what you wanted last night." That was low even for Bellamy of course I turned bright red who wouldn't after that little confession. I was speechless but instead I just glared at him but that just got one of his special smirks. "What don't tell me you're speechless?"

"I'm not I just…. Don't believe you besides I was drunk I wouldn't remember."

"You don't remember anything?"

"Only the side effects of it." Again with the smirks, I obviously didn't think this was funny. And I was tired of his presence so I looked around my tent gathered my clothes and changed, when I was done I tied my hair into a messy pony tail but believe me messy hair was the last of my problems right now. I was only a meter away from the door, I mean a meter and who else would grab my arm before I can do a quick escape the infamous Bellamy Blake. "Where do you think you're going? And what the hell." I turned around for what felt like the hundredth time and only glared to be honest I had nothing to say, was I supposed to say congratulations you just had sex with every girl here except your sister? I wouldn't say it but oh was it ready to come out. He was really starting to get on my nerves. I knew I was crazy because I felt more disappointment then anger, he used me when I was in a state where I wasn't thinking right and now I'll be thrown aside, to the male population down here I was the so called "forbidden fruit", I made two mistakes and now because of the latest one I'll have to deal with at least 19 angry and very hormonal women. I sighed then played a whole Bellamy face. "Look I get it this wasn't supposed to happen and don't worry it won't happen again ok we can just go back to normal." I pulled away gave him a shaky smile and walked away, I needed to get out before the walls I took so long to build up would come crashing down, it wouldn't be long before I would break. I broke into a sprint, everything became a blur as I ran mostly because of my tears but it just hurt so much I finally started to trust someone again and look what happened. First my mother, then Finn, and now Bellamy there's no one I can trust. Finally my legs couldn't go any further and I collapsed bringing my knees to my chest, closing the world and everyone out, this is what I get for trying then I'm done with it and everything else. When I finally stopped crying I sat in silence just looking at the lake and listening to all the sounds that mixed with the rushing water , at this point I didn't want to go back to the lies, stress, death maybe if I stay out here I could….. My thoughts were interrupted with rustling behind me, I didn't bother turning around because it was probably Bellamy or Finn. "Look I'm not in the mood right now please just go away." There was no response so I thought they actually listened. But of course that was complete bullshit. A hand came across my face and wrapped a cloth above my mouth and nose. I held my breath and struggled as hard as I could until I had to take a breath, it only took minutes till my vision became blurry and seconds later it all went black.

Hey people thanks for all the support this is my first fanfiction I hope it doesn't suck too bad lol. I would love it if you could give me some ideas and sorry if I'm taking so long to update. Stupid school and all.

Thanks again.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke POV

I woke up to nothing, literally it was dark and I couldn't hear a thing; my initial thought was that I sure as hell wasn't in heaven, then again where was I. I tried to move my legs but they wouldn't move then my arms and they didn't either, now I knew that I wasn't paralyzed because I could at least move my fingers and toes… sort of. So I just sat there waiting for the drug to wear off. It had been hours since I actually attempted to move and I it about time to try again, until footsteps stopped me dead in my tracks. "No point in trying to fake it the sleeping drug I found should have worn off by now. But the paralyzing one has a much longer affect, don't you think?"I gasped of course, who else would try something this stupid but the one person who constantly kept interfering with our affairs even after he was almost killed and then banished by us. The one and only Murphy really he just doesn't get it when someone says get lost. "Tell me Murphy why is it that when we finally get rid if you some how you still end up in our lives again one way or another?" he walked over to me and back handed me with great force by then the mask over my eyes was gone. "Shut up you don't get to ask the questions or act higher than me cause right now _princess_ it seems that your life is in my hands." I cringed at the way he said princess it felt strange coming off anyone's lips besides Bellamy's. I wasn't going down without putting up a hell of a fight, if he wanted to beat me he was going to have to work for it.

AT CAMP

Bellamy POV

It's been three days since Clarke left, and it isn't like her to just run off especially if it meant that I was in full command knowing her she wouldn't have any of that. But this was really worrying me she is our only medic and without her we would all be bed ridden then dead within a span of three weeks max, but most of all I needed her, to tell her what needed to be said three days ago but I knew I was too cowardly to say and Clarke to scared to. She was the never dimming light that made my darkness seem bearable she was so different from all the others infighting a fire in me that hasn't been there since I was a kid. I stopped right there what the hell was I thinking I'm starting to sound like a girl, no one ever made me think like this. I need to clear my head and stop making my life sound like a chick flick. I got up and walked through the gate making my way to the lake I found when I threw the radio in. it reminded me of how Clarke poked my chest as she looked into my eyes as I got a big pep talk of how I exiled everyone to their deaths on the Ark. I still remember the fire in her eyes and the harsh yet gentle way she spoke. Ahhhh this was meant to help me forget so I could become the fearless leader everyone thought I was this had to turn around even if it meant that Clarke could die or hate me forever, after this week I would call off the search. I trudged my way back to camp and announced my new decision, I couldn't let my feelings cloud my judgment I had to do what's best for the camp even if it meant letting _her_ die. This was pathetic I couldn't even bring myself to say Clarke's name. I just had to remember she hates me already and would rather feed herself to the reapers than stay with me. Somehow if it's even more possible I've somehow made myself feel even worse. Great that makes three times this morning, I do believe I've made a new record. My little self pity party was cut short by Octavia pulling on my arm, "Bellamy what the hell we can't leave Clarke out there, if you don't remember she's the only one with more knowledge about medical shit then the rest of us, plus she's my best friend."

"She'd been training people medical stuff so they can learn the rest later while it comes around."

"You tell yourself whatever you want but deep down you know this is wrong and leaving Clarke out there will eventually kill us all." We glared at each other until Octavia gave a huge huff then walked away but something still didn't feel right not like the fights Clarke and I had the heated glares, the harsh words, and then the stuttered apologies later. My fights with my sister were merely family quarrels, completely different. Now look at me and the number she's done on my head, I turned around and look at the tree line wondering if she isn't with the grounders and maybe just lost and dying. No I can't think about this I have to be the leader now because after this week she's dead to us, I didn't like the way that left a bitter taste in my mouth and made my chest ache, but it had to be done right? You know that little voice in your head that tells you no don't do that or yes that's what you should do well right now mine's on overdrive saying go the hell after her! But ….. "BELLAMY!"

"WHAT NOW MILLER!"

"Uh sorry but we think we found something off the bank of the far river."

"Take me there now!" we rushed there without a second thought making it to the river bank within 15 minutes. The first thing I noticed was her backpack it was thrown to the side, I could tell there was a struggle the brave princess gave up a fight, I smirked. But quickly disappeared before it could be spotted. "Alex believes that she was sitting here when the person came up behind her and attacked. Then dragged her that way." I looked to the direction Miller pointed and it was confirmed she was not with the grounders but she was still lost.

Where the hell could his princess be?

Tell me what you think


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke POV

It's been weeks since I was taken, and had that huge fight with Bellamy. Yes as I was being beaten and yes I regretted saying those things to him, maybe he didn't just sleep with me to just to fuel his male pride… pfft. As if right this is Bellamy we're talking about, right? "Clarke are you listening to me, if you just tell me how to get in the camp and I'll let you go."

"Murphy when will you ever learn that I won't tell you anything, haven't you figured that out yet I mean I was pretty stubborn with Bellamy what makes you any different?"

"The part where I have you tied to a tree and I have a very sharp knife." I huffed and ignored the rest of his I'm better than everyone speech like really he's already beating me now he's adding this, it's probably best if he just sticks to the beatings. By the time he was actually finished his little pride speech I still wasn't listening, my focus was more on the fact of escaping because knowing Bellamy he won't waste time on trying to find me the search probably ended a few weeks ago. It's nice to know I have people I can rely on out there… not. "

"CLARKE! Are you even listening?"

"Hmmm? Oh no; you lost me at knife." He raised his hand and slapped it harshly on my cheek yup 103 Murphy and 2 Clarke. This was getting annoying I just wish he'd either kill me or let me go in reaper territory at least then I could try to do something besides sitting all day and night while listening to Mr. grounder kiss up here, that's when he realized I wasn't paying attention… again. "That's it Clarke I'm finished with you. You aren't going to give me anything I want so after I release my pent up rage on you I'll let you go. If you live through it." I didn't quite catch that last part, but I didn't really like the first bit of it either. He untied me then started to hit me with a pipe and he didn't stop, I'm not even sure if he stopped after I blacked out.

Bellamy POV

Things haven't been going very well since we left Clarke out in the forest , people are ready to kill each other, Octavia isn't talking to me, and we've already lost three people due to a little infection. What was I thinking leaving the only decent doctor we had out there in a radiation soaked forest. Stupid! "Bellamy we found Clarke and she's not in good shape." We ran as fast as we could and when we got there I saw her curled in a ball as if to protect herself from the world and it's demons, but what really made my blood boil was that she was cut and bloody everywhere from her face to her legs, she was tortured all that time. I would kill this guy if I could just get my hands on him and when Clarke wakes up I'm going to get his little hide out, find it and kill him. "Let's move out we need to get her cleaned up now!" I carefully picked her up and carried her to the drop ship we let Raven and Octavia clean her up, it took minimum 5 hours and it was driving me crazy. "Bellamy she'll be okay we stitched her up and changed her clothes now we just have to wait." I nodded and thanked Raven, when they left I got up to check up on her, that's when I really got a look at her wounds it wasn't good she has plenty of stitches on her head then countless all over her body. It made me wonder of a second though if they let her go did she tell them what they wanted to know. I noticed her move, I called to Octavia and Raven. "Hey, princess it's okay your back at camp." She opened her eyes and looked completely terrified and confirm it she let out a blood curdling scream. "Bellamy what did you do to her?"

" I didn't do anything I just talked to her."(I sort of felt insulted I mean I probably look bad but not that bad) she look at all the faces without recognition, just what the hell was going on. "Who are you people?"

"What do you mean who are we? Come on Clarke it's us."

"I don't know you people, any of you!" she made a run for the exit but we couldn't let her just go out there if she didn't know anything. This was dangerous. Very dangerous indeed. I ran and caught her before she could go too far and held tight. "Let me go now!" I felt a sharp pain in my chest, she… she elbowed me damn. "Look princess you need to calm down we're here to help you not hurt you."

"Princess?" she stopped twisting and kicking at the name PRINCESS? Why couldn't I have tried that earlier it would have saved us so much time. "I heard Clarke was back how is she?"

"None of your concern space walker."

"Whoop testosterone spill on aisle 4." I rolled my eyes really I just didn't want to deal with him right now. "Space walker?" by now she was just loosely being held in my arms, when Finn tried to get closer she moved closer to my chest, can't say it didn't fuel my pride seeing him get rejected like that. But it did make me feel better, "take a hint she doesn't want you here."

"Then let her tell me that. Clarke?"

" I don't know who this Clarke is just leave me alone."

"Bellamy what did you do to her?"

"Finn he didn't do anything I think that because of her injuries she might be experiencing memory loss." Well shit this isn't good.


End file.
